And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
