Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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