Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
