I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize