just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
