I'll bet she douches with gravy.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
