We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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