I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
