Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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