Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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