Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
