hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i love accidental penises.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
