Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
