i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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