yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
