Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You may now shotgun with the bride
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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