I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The chlamydia really affected his face.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
