I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
