Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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