i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
