I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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