Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
