I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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