Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have feelings that need drinking.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
