You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
