That's when you crack a 10am beer
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
please don't ironically join a cult
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