Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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