By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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