I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
