That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
