my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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