dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
