I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize