just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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