i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
