Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
