today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize