I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
