Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize