Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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