If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
