My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
