i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
