Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
