winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
