i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
