I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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