Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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