I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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