Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
