life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
