You just made me feel so damn special
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
