i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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