What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
