he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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