I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
