Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
