well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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