hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
