I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
