How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
