im drinking this country out of the recession.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
