i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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