According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
