so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
