This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
