I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
it was like eating out sand paper
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
