Got a toothbrush?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
