That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
