Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
