I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
